107. side note:

i forgot to tell you guys about my philo paper. you know, the one where i drew johnny depp on my rough draft & wrote 7.5 pages? well...my teacher said that it was EXCELLENTE!! & i got 16/20!! woot! the kids in my class are happy for me but aren't exactly thrilled that some foreigner beat them on a written thing, you know? understandable...

afs WE this WE

just came back from sport. foot...

spanish calls..



106. Ce que je "kiff" à ce moment...

-one tree hill: just finished season 1 & i've got 5 more to go; woot!
-gush; "let's burn again", "in the meadow", etc.
-razors? :s i shaved for the first time tonight :o (what? my hairs are have gotten so thin to the point where waxing just breaks them so i decided to thicken 'em up by shaving...hope i don't get caveman legs)



105. Shows, Woes & REALLY BIG Egos

We finished our second choreography last night for the show at the end of the year so I'm happy about that. The theme is Africa, which I'm not too thrilled about. It's not that I don't appreciate but it's just not the way I feel like dancing so much, you know? Anyway, the one we finished last night was is the better one so far cause we got a new teacher (maternity leave) whose movement is more coherent to mine.

So this guy in my class who I'm (was) friends with, well, I really don't want to be friends with him anymore. Actually, I kind of hate all of the guys I know right now for reasons that are upcoming but this one in particular is extremely grossing me out. Here's why: He's pretty much the mose gentleman guy in the class but oh lord is he actually um...perverted? Like really much so. I mean, I've gotten to be pretty good friends with him but recently he does random like, um sexy purring gesture at me...like groooooooooooooooss. & today the boys were fooling around making shadow puppets in SVT & they managed to make a dog to a blow job; he took on the role of the tongue. Anyway, so my woe is actually what petrified me. Two days ago, he comes up behind me & hold me & does something really wrong then right after, whispers something about my cul in my ear. I'm not really sure I should be sharing this anymore but wtv. It was freaking DISGUSTING?! & I can't look at him anymore & really don't want to talk to him, which he's not really getting cause we were "friends". Not anymore, we ain't!

If there's one thing I would LOVE to stab & completely ruin to shreds, it's the male ego. There is probably NOTHING I can't stand more. (I almost stopped watching One Tree Hill because I was so frustrated with Dan Scott's ego.) I just came out of gym class playing foot with the guys. I won't detail but I want to punch them all. & I hate the teacher. He so biased & just came out of sports school so he's young & plays the ego game with them. "Don't worry girls. It's normal that you don't play as well as the boys since you don't have as much street experience." **** you. He's seriously the worst teacher ever. Immature.

I'm out.



104. rash

(i'm really pissed cause my entire post just disappeared & i'm rewriting this from memory)

so i've broken out into my occasional rash in the past few days so i'm looking real dandy, or more like, splotchy...but life is good anyway. 4h of math breezed by. i LOVE math tests. it's all so damn logical. EVERYTHING is subjectively objective & i like it that way.

you know, i wrote 7.5 PAGES for my that philosophy dissertation answering the question: Est-il juste d'affirmer que l'activité technique dévalorise l'homme?, which translates to "Is it just to say that technique devalues man?" Real proud but let's see what it gives...

btw, if you've been following up on your current events, you probably know about the islandic volcano? well, the first thing i think of are the islandic AFS girls whom i met in france. hope their families are ok. & now, come to think of it, i remember that Sam from AFS canada went to Iceland...uh oh? or perhaps, why not live a natural disaster during your year abroad. in any case, the wind blew all the ashes towards russia & the rest of europe so apparently, Iceland is actually ok. but who knows? it's all the buzz in the past week. check out the énorme photographic spread on the tyranny.





i just had 2h of math & i'm going into my third in half an hour. fjmqlksdrjlmzekrj.

i can't do this anymore; not like this. i forgot how bad it felt cause it's been a good while but it feels bad. i don't get a thing in what we're doing in math & it's FRUSTRATING THE HELL OUT OF ME. can you tell?

it's not really that i couldn't understand, it's just that i don't. it's everything based on what they did last year, when um, i freaking was not here?! like it's just last year's review right now so it's like 1+1=2 stuff that i can't do because I HAVE NO CLUE HOW TO MULTIPLY OR MANIPULATE UGLY VECTORS. & i have to freaking CLUE what a barycentre is & we just did 2h of lesson on it. i hate it hate it hate it. i'm just sitting there in class like a dufus reading the question over & over until i still don't get it. it's just a really intense feeling of pointlessness. literally, just sitting there knowing you could but you can't while everyone else around you is like wtv & while everytime the teacher comes around, glances at the emptyness on your paper. really nice feeling, i can assure you. i'll never forget the time when i actually burst out into tears because i was so frustrated at how (ahhhhhhhhhhhhh can't find the word) it was to have no one really give a damn about not even knowing the basics in suites, which i don't really get cause i would totally help out a newbie. competition? focus? idk...
it's like trying to punch through a cement wall or trying to saw through a chain with a butter knife or trying to scratch the unreacheable parts of your back kind of feeling. it's the feeling of GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

g2g study for 4h of math exam tomorrow.




101. change is good

that's right; i got a bob!




So deep breath, as we plunge into the next (oooo, i want to say "century" but it's clearly not the right term. there's no word that means hundred? we've got pairs, triples, reams, grosses...but...?!) hundred.

Today, I feel good cause it's one of those days where I actually feel like I ACCOMPLISHED something. It's true that life ACCELERATES, like nothing else & so it's not the speed of time but rather the speed at which speed speeds up that's frightening, which is why it would be a comfort to know that you didn't just sit through it, no?

So I finished my DM in histoire/géo (a true nightmare), had my last tutoring session with um, my French tutor & walked the dog by myself for the first time. I KNOW, if THAT's a productive day, then...well, what could be LESS productive, you may wonder. But in fact, those are rather productive events. Anything that requires effort, well, then it's productive. I'd like to say that it's all for the BAC BUT! of course I know that's it's all for my own sake blah blah blah... Plus, it's all relative, right? (says my friend Einshhhhhhtein)

So btw, I'm done with Powell & onto a certain renowned & Canadian Robertson Davies. It's a classic & not a bad read but let's just say that the level of humor (& profanity) has dropped down down down...into some dark & endless depths. It's the two extremes, pretty much. Honestly, you're just like oh...shit...:S It's like drinking dollar-store orange juice 10-times diluted after having SAVOURED a cool glass of pulpy Tropicana. It's reading about the depressive life a of a man with a lot of childhood guilt in a cold, grey 1908 southern-Ontario & in old British English prose, as opposed to a colourful, dynamic NYC in 2002 (100-year difference much?) written in"modern" blog language that I can actually understand (I wonder why...) & bonus! it's about food.
But I'm sure I'll take away SOMETHING from this read...So far, a kid's thrown a snowball & it hit a pregnant woman's head.

& you know what's good about surfing Facebook without HAVING Facebook? It allows you to "indulge" without overindulging. I just KNOW how dangerous it would be if I had my own account so I refuse as many of my friends continue to urge me on. No! I say. NO!!! I SHALL RESIST!!
But anyway, what I meant to say is that it's REALLY very interesting to see how many people have not changed over the course of 8 months, which is cool. But (obviously) even better, is having access to pictures of people who HAVE changed. I mean, isn't that kind of the whole point of Facebook? (don't lie, we both know it's not to "stay in touch"; there's no shame in being curious)

xoxo (Gossip Girl, lol)



99. "The End"

' "The End" is a tricky bugger, but if you wanted, you could define the beginning of the end as the point when the protagonist has to see that her actions mean something, and that if they don't work out right, she is well and truly fucked.'
-Julie Powell, Julie & Julia

I very much appreciate this definition of "The End" as it applies to me in many ways. I can relate, is what I mean, besides the fact that Powell's just a riot (one should really read the novel by one's lonesome for the sake of saving oneself of embarassment id est laughing hysterically in public).

In any case. I'll have you note that this is my final two-digit post (scroll up, if you must), which isn't really an "End" per se, but it kind of is. The other, more relevant "End" is OBVIOUSLY the fact that I've got like what? about 90 days left? & of course, the EVEN MORE relevant "End" would be the fact that I'm freaked out about the BAC cause now it actually MATTERS if I get it or not, you know, since I'm like now "Accepted", ooo lala...


p.s. PLUS, this is totally an "Oprah-full-circle moment"; c.f. post 30, posted 22 days prior to departure


98. It's spring, so let's see what's sprouting about...

wave that hair!! (i just had to show you this dwarf species of a horse; her name is Caramel, i believe)

amazing how moss can be so beautiful.




97. shopaholic? shopaphobic.

so i just came back from a day at the mall with my host sister & her friend. bof...

i don't know what it is with me but i don't really enjoy it. there's just nothing that really interests me & the rare article that does? well, the prices aren't exactly accomodating & i refuse to buy something if i don't really love it. so it ends up kind of depressing in a way.

on one hand, my host sister doesn't know how to not spend, so she totalled a whopping 115£ where as i spent a measly 5£. & it wasn't even for me...

last weekend, my mamie gave me 40£ so that i could buy myself a bag. my host sisters had went shopping with her for the day while i cooked chinese food for the family & they both came back with really nice purses. mamie considers me as her granddaughter too so she thought that i deserved a bag. it's really nice of her but i just don't think i can spend it. so what do it do? is it right for me to just keep the money & spend it on something i actually want? i'm not a huge bag person & ESPECIALLY not if it's made out of some crappy synthetic leather that makes me nautious whenever i take a whiff. bleugh.

i'm so freaking sick of my clothes. i brought 5 pairs of jeans with me when i came & i'm surviving on 2. 2 are too small & 1 is ripped at the crotch. & the 2 i'm living on are both too big. all my clothes are breaking down & i have nothing to wear for the summer. the only good thing i can think of is the fact that bringing less clothes back home means i just might make it into stuffing everything into my luggage. that's all.

i also have no summer shoes, even though i brought 7 pairs with me (1 nike running shoes, 2 tennis shoes, 1 flats, 1 boots, 1 flip flops & 1 heels)

help me.



96. Quick Update

just random updates; whatever comes to mind...

-cooked a chinese meal for my host family. in france, in general, you're guilty til proven innocent so everyone was very very skeptical about my cooking skills. luckily, the pressure usually helps you succeed & if you prove them wrong, all the better for you. i cooked for 10 & it turned out not so bad, if i may say so myself.
-it's easter weekend & taking things easy. plus, i'm on vacation for two weeks. the weather is beautiful today & i spent the last 3h playing tarot with host parents & host papi. a freaking joy.
-my sis is in ny this week
-i'm obsessing over university stuff & i'm loving it!!! just repeated reading my course descriptions & trying to figure out the credits & such.
-watching gossip girl at night, which is a show i gave up not even half way into the first season cause it was too pretentious fake & i had too much work last year. but this year, i have the dvds & no school for a while so rather tempting
-i really hope that i study well these two weeks, you know, in prep for the bac.
-i also love buzz, which i play a lot of. it's like who wants to be a millionare that you play against friends & family (or ennemies?) with good questions that only repeat if you play as much as i do. the "gameshow host" even said yesterday "it wouldn't be buzz without you" cause i play so much

end of quick update.




I got accepted.