20.4.10

103. FRUSTRATION

i just had 2h of math & i'm going into my third in half an hour. fjmqlksdrjlmzekrj.

i can't do this anymore; not like this. i forgot how bad it felt cause it's been a good while but it feels bad. i don't get a thing in what we're doing in math & it's FRUSTRATING THE HELL OUT OF ME. can you tell?

it's not really that i couldn't understand, it's just that i don't. it's everything based on what they did last year, when um, i freaking was not here?! like it's just last year's review right now so it's like 1+1=2 stuff that i can't do because I HAVE NO CLUE HOW TO MULTIPLY OR MANIPULATE UGLY VECTORS. & i have to freaking CLUE what a barycentre is & we just did 2h of lesson on it. i hate it hate it hate it. i'm just sitting there in class like a dufus reading the question over & over until i still don't get it. it's just a really intense feeling of pointlessness. literally, just sitting there knowing you could but you can't while everyone else around you is like wtv & while everytime the teacher comes around, glances at the emptyness on your paper. really nice feeling, i can assure you. i'll never forget the time when i actually burst out into tears because i was so frustrated at how (ahhhhhhhhhhhhh can't find the word) it was to have no one really give a damn about not even knowing the basics in suites, which i don't really get cause i would totally help out a newbie. competition? focus? idk...
it's like trying to punch through a cement wall or trying to saw through a chain with a butter knife or trying to scratch the unreacheable parts of your back kind of feeling. it's the feeling of GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

g2g study for 4h of math exam tomorrow.

ciao

[bt]

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