5^3. hovering

so i'm still here. & i don't really know what to say. just so you know, i'm writing this post because i feel like i should & not really cause i want to...

the thing is, studying for the bac occupied so many of my neurons that i didn't have enough left to mentally prepare for going home, like i so well mentally prepared for coming. seriously. it feels like some kind of jack-in-the-box just randomly popping out to tell you, with a creepy smile, mind you, & telling you that your time is up. so suddenly, you come to realise that your year is ACTUALLY coming to an end...

ok, well, um, if you say so, i guess. the truth is, i'm eccstatic about going home because i want to see everyone again & tell them about everything i've lived through but i don't want my old life back. when i think about it, it freaks me out to know that i'm going back to such a bland & diluted life. where's the spice? where's the flavour? i guess what i really mean is that for the first time this year, i acknowledge that in some way, i HAVE grown, contrary to what i've said before now. i think that...i HAVE changed. it's only natural, i guess but i think that's why i have a problem with the thought of going back to the same life: i'm not the same person anymore.

looking back on this year, what it brought me most was not independence, not resposibility, not good work ethics, not happiness. none of those things cause, not to be pompous or anything, but i kind of already had those things, or at the very least, some of each of those things. what this year DID do to me was dare me & you bet your bottom dollar it did.

it dared me to put myself out there, make myself noticed & face the people i may have been afraid to face. this year gave me confidence. in one of my earlier posts, i mentioned that i felt like i was treading water & damn right i did. i'm an excellent swimmer now. :) what i mean is that i think i'm ready to face the world now. it was like real world boot camp. harsh, but it got the job done. there's something about having ABSOLUTELY no one but strangers around that makes the learning so effecient. basically, even though i was buried in my books half the year, i still got the chance to discover the kind of person i had become & how to make her the kind of person that i want to be. & it's thanks to the hundreds of people i met this year that helped me discover that.

how did i know?:
one year of discovery: France. life. self.




124. i wanna run through the halls of my high school, i wanna scream at the top of my lungs

(well, almost :p)

& i really don't find it fair that the last time i see everyone at school is in exam mode. like, WTH? this sucks but mostly, it just hurts. i don't want it to be the last time but even worse would be having to say goodbye...perhaps is better this way.



123. What the hell is the BAC?

so what i've realized is that for the majority of my posts from the last two or three months have been BAC. BAC. BAC. & yet, some or maybe a lot of you readers probably don't have a clue what i'm causing about. so let's make is clear, once & for all, since it just became clear to me this morning...

The Baccalauréat Français, a.k.a. the BAC, is like finals but more...serious, for lack of a better word. It started TODAY, THE day of fate for 327 785 other Terminales like me. Except that me, being a foreign student, I get to take things a little more lightly & actually get to stand back & analyse this whole ordeal.
You see, this BAC this is MAJOR. It's like no final exam you'll ever take, except maybe the Bar Exam. The entire nation takes the EXACT same test at EXACTLY the same time, on the same paper. The sujets are TOP SECRET because out of the hundreds of notions you've studies throughout the year, you'll end up with one & the catch? You don't know which one. & neither do the teachers, nor the administrators, nor anybody, except the people who wrote the damned thing & printed them. Except that the printing place is TOP SECRET & they super verify that the minority who knows the sujets are NOT qualified to pass the BAC, cause you can be 90 and pass it & even at that age, cheating is cheating. They've even got back-up sujets in case there's a leak.
I know, right?

Actually, the BAC takes place in other regions of the world as well: Amérique du Nord, Nouvelle-Calédonie, Pondichéry, la Réunion, Liban, Antilles-Guyane, etc.

It's all kind of funny, actually, especially for me cause the more serious I'm supposed to be, the more funny it is for me & since this is WAY serious, well, this is WAY funny.

So you can pass different kinds of BAC but the most common is the Baccalauréat général, which has three branches: Littéraire, Sciences économiques & Scientifique. I'm in Série S, so I pass: Philosophie (3), Histoire/Géographie (3), LV2 (2) (Espagnol for me), Mathématiques (7+2), LV1 (3) (Anglais for me), Physique/Chimie (6), SVT (6) & Sport (2). Actually, the BAC is a two-step deal. In Première, which was last year, you also have to pass Français écrit (2) & Français oral (2) but since I wasn't here last year, I'm passing the whole thing in one shot. Yay me.(!?) Last thing, there's a TPE (research project) that everyone did last year but I wasn't there so too bad. If you get >10 you get extra points but you don't lost points...

Every exam is marked on 20 & you need 10 to pass. But everything also depends on the coefficients, which I've marked in parentheses above. Basically, for me to get my BAC, I need (3+3+2+9+3+6+6+2+2+2)*10=380 points to pass, out of 380*2=720. I'm cheering for a 576 but aiming for a 504.

Wish me luck!!


122. Dépend-il de nous d'être heureux?

I. Oui, parce que le bonheur est la conséquence de nos actions donc il suffit d'exécuter les actions qui nous rendent heureux pour l'être donc, il dépend de nous d'être heureux.
II. Non, parce que nous ne sommes pas la seule source de notre bonheur. Il existe des éléments du monde extérieur dont des facteurs au hasard qui peuvent également déterminer notre bonheur, tels qu'autrui donc, il ne dépend pas de nous d'être heureux.
III. Oui, parce qu'il est illégitime de traiter la notion du bonheur en se référant aux choses objectives, tels que nos actions et le monde extérieur puisque le bonheur est un désir et donc, subjectif. C'est à nous d'assumer la responsabilité et de choisir d'être heureux. En effet, il dépend de nous d'être heureux.

one down. eight to go.

& France is playing against Mexico tonight!




121. AFS pique-nique & other updates

ok, so i've been so busy doing the s-word (& it's NOT a 3-letter nor 4-letter word, in case your mind wanders) that i haven't had the time to blog. i don't want to get into it cause it just too depressing & plain out annoying & want to kill it...which interestingly enough reminds me of how much i just want to slap Beyoncé when i hear "I'm Just a Boy". Like ACTUALLY, very little annoys me more. She just sounds so...BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD. Like what is up with that weird fake shaking of her voice? ("If I were a boy-oy-oy-oy-oy-oy-oy-oy-oy-oy-oy-oy-oy-oy-oy-oy-oy-oy, I think I would understa-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-and...I'd listen to her-er-er-er-er-er-er-er-er-er-er-er-er-er-er-er"...you get the point. Isn't she better than that?) Like, that's just disgusting & I just want to slap her to make it stop. & I also go crazy when I see her dance. & some of her other songs are just as embarassing. I'm sorry I'm talking violent but yeah...

Last WE, I went to a wedding, which I don't think I blogged about & probably should've but um...s-word. It was HOT, & fine & it's been a week so I won't go into details.

Last night was "prom", which was more like a dance/friendly night club deal, which is what I prefer. It's actually one of the best things ever to just dance. Just dance. Go Gaga, cherry cherry boom boom. P-p-p-pokerface, p-p-pokerface, na na na na. P-p-p-pokerface, p-p-pokerface...lol
The evening started well cause I dined with my friends at a nice resto but had a twist when I saw that the teacher I don't get along with was chaperoning. The night got better when we started to do the Macarena & this other cowboy-styled dance & then it all came to a halt when my date tried to confess...When that load blew over, I spent a good moment with him just lying on the grass, watching stars (as friends) & the night ended amazing cause I kicked off my heels & freaking danced my heart out amidst darkness & strobe lights & 4 other dance maniacs. It's so great when you can feeeeeeel the music just go through you & pump out all the energy. It feels good. So good! (DUN DUN) So good! Cause I got you, da da da daaaaaaaaaaaaaa da. I feel nice, dananananaaaa, like su- oops....lol

Today, I went to the AFS pique-nique, which was a family deal as in, all members invited. It sucks to see parents not as enthusiastic as the kids but what the hell, right? It was a lot of fun seeing them all again but really, 5h DOES NOT SUFFICE. Especially compared to the WEs...Anyway, after lunch, we went into the prehistoric park & I had a good time. It's basically an exposition the lifestyles from paléolithique to the Bronze Age. I love this kind of stuff so I enjoyed myself. I got to see a guy make fire, there was a pottery section, a wool section & a metal section. I made prehistoric bread & ate it too (yeahhhhhhhhhhhh baby) & I got so throw big javelins down a hill with 6 of the guys (how is it that I'm the only girl with the urge to throw a javelin???) into a stack of hay. I felt pretty damned prehistoric :p




120. ending the school year

so during the one week of my life where i should have no life, i've decided to ditch & just take it easy. firstly, if you know me, you would know that i just HAVE to oppose everything & it's not even intentional. i just can't do what they do. & secondly, i want to finish my year off good, not buried in books. i don't freaking care, i think, or at least i don't want to.

see, it is my nightmare to "just pass". i would rather fail that "just pass". it's so lame; it's average & it's worth nothing. but i really hope i'm strong enough to make an exception but it's scary cause what if this means the beginning of a very lazy [bt]? i mean, i'm already lazy but not that lazy work-wise. i scared to do a first cause that may mean a second. anyway, this is what i've got to show for third trimestre & my year & really, i should be proud...

but i'm just so integrated that i fell like one of them & i expect myself to rock this thing. & why shouldn't i expect it from myself? i'm tired of people telling me to not expect so much from myself but i only do cause i know i can do it. but ah, then again, if i know i can do it, then shouldn't that be enough? why do i have to DO it everytime to prove to myself that i can if i know that i can? perhaps i'm just doubtful & perhaps i'm just cautious & i don't want to be the egotistical rabbit who loses the race to the wise turtle. i prefer to be the turtle, the underdog cause that way, at least i DO something. challenge is what i like. but you be the judge...

please comment...



119. scratch that, i won't say more

a day at the louvre i'll never forget.



118. Sue & family

hey guess what? i came to paris all by myself to come see sue & family. really nice catching up with them & seriously, i've never laughed so hard with the twins. i can't say more cause it's a qwerty board, but i'll say more when i get back home.