120. ending the school year

so during the one week of my life where i should have no life, i've decided to ditch & just take it easy. firstly, if you know me, you would know that i just HAVE to oppose everything & it's not even intentional. i just can't do what they do. & secondly, i want to finish my year off good, not buried in books. i don't freaking care, i think, or at least i don't want to.

see, it is my nightmare to "just pass". i would rather fail that "just pass". it's so lame; it's average & it's worth nothing. but i really hope i'm strong enough to make an exception but it's scary cause what if this means the beginning of a very lazy [bt]? i mean, i'm already lazy but not that lazy work-wise. i scared to do a first cause that may mean a second. anyway, this is what i've got to show for third trimestre & my year & really, i should be proud...

but i'm just so integrated that i fell like one of them & i expect myself to rock this thing. & why shouldn't i expect it from myself? i'm tired of people telling me to not expect so much from myself but i only do cause i know i can do it. but ah, then again, if i know i can do it, then shouldn't that be enough? why do i have to DO it everytime to prove to myself that i can if i know that i can? perhaps i'm just doubtful & perhaps i'm just cautious & i don't want to be the egotistical rabbit who loses the race to the wise turtle. i prefer to be the turtle, the underdog cause that way, at least i DO something. challenge is what i like. but you be the judge...



please comment...

[bt]