13.11.09

57. Treading Water

you know, i can't seem to find any expression in the english language that describes what i feel my situation is better that "treading water" & i'm glad at least some expression does exists so that i can express myself with words...

it's an awfully humbling experience to be in a foreign country where you literally have to build your identity from scratch. no one, & i mean NO ONE knows who you are so technically speaking, you could make a different "you" but me, i'm too lazy to pretend as i'm more "go with the flow". anyway, my point is that anything that you may be good at or known for or, as a matter of fact proud of; everything that made you, you is erased & therefore, at times, it can get frustrating when you see the look in people's eyes & you know that they're more or less indifferent of you when all you want to do is scream that you're not some dull foreigner but rather, you had a life, a "past", if you wish that you left behind but nonetheless existed.

it's not that you're treated badly but you're not treated goodly either, at least in the beginning stages of your relationship with someone, which, when you're in a foreign country, there are a lot of (meeting new people, that is). you constantly have to explain yourself & present yourself & the short attention span that people have now adays doesn't quite give you enough time to say all that you may want to say to make a statement & say "yes, i'm a real person, just like you" & yet it's completely realistic for them to be more or less indifferent cause why would they want to know who you are as they have friends to spend time with & a foreigner may become a burden, who knows?

so the point is: it's tough, which is why i recommended to pretty much everyone to go a year abroad, but i'll put my stamp on that statement when the year is done.

ANYWAY, it all leads me to say that today, i found out today that i'm a below-average student. quelle horreur! not exactly a surprise but i'm trying to make the point that whatever you're good at means nothing in a foreign country until you prove yourself good & put yourself out there, which isn't as easy in a foreign language.

you know the one thing i miss most? humour. it's like the most important part of being happy but really, impossible in a foreign language. jokes, what jokes?

WOOOT, I'M OFFICIALLY REGISTERED FOR THE FRENCH BACCALAUREATE§!!! & today is the first, i repeat FIRST day that i don't have homework. how sad is that?

BIRTHDAY SHOUT-OUTS...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY McB!!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY "me too"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*major hugs*

[bt]

p.s.french classes with the Premières...aye aye ayyyye...SO. BORING.

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