![[bt] en France](http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_VM8cfxGCTLU/SlK7VqXQbXI/AAAAAAAAACw/UOl7J2feqAA/S1600-R/%5Bbt%5D+en+France.bmp)
i don't know if it's just me but my emotions are already up & down & i haven't left yet. it's all harder than i thought it was going to be. nobody warned about PRE-departure difficulties. what does this mean about when i'm in france? :S it turns out that i'm not as tough as i thought...
usually, i like roller coasters but i guess with the ones you ride you can at least gauge when the ride will end. this one seems a little more overwhelming...thank goodness for Adam. <3
it's really horrible but i'm so conscious of EVERYTHING & i tend to take mental pictures of the "last time" of everything i do. & it's oddly lonely, but that's not really the correct term. but it's still undeniable that i'm the one taking a completely different path. & it's hard cause i'm nearly in denial, which can also be understood as "it STILL hasn't hit me yet". & i'm what? 12 days away...:S
gosh, i'm so terrible at expression...
everyone here is starting school in 2 days & i'm not. so there's that. & it's really weird cause i actually haven't shed a single tear because i'm leaving...yet. it's very like me to do this. it all wells up inside & very soon, one of these days, i'm going to explode. i'm going to need an entire box of tissues & a garbage can next to me. my family likes to laugh at me but i swear i can' control it. i'll let you know when i let it all go... it's coming, i know for sure because that's just how i am. i'm one of the greatest tear-shedders i know but for some reason, i just can't in front of friends but when my heart feels heavy like it does now...well, that's just the build-up. (like on roller coasters when they click before they drop)
sry i'm such an emotional maniac today. but i'm just being completely honest.
i had lunch w/ "the guys" yesterday & today i went to the beach w/ a bunch a friends. it was "fun". my best friend was w/ me for both & i actually saw her 3 times in the past 4 days. now THAT is a true record. & they're times i won't forget. it's getting harder & harder to leave her, & it's especially hard to see her sad because i'm leaving. plus she needs me right now so how can i leave her?
imagine if i were leaving tomorrow? i'd be sorrowful but at least my emotions would calm down a bit...& trust me, it's not PMS.
feeling a little better cause my best friend just talked to me,
[bt]
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hey [bt],
ReplyDeletepermission to link to your blog from mine? you're so articulate. most of the time i read your blog and think, I'm feeling EXACTLY the same way. if only i could express it the way you can. anywayyy, see you (too) soon
lucie
I know right? It's insane, I was at a welcome back party for my friend, and sometimes I was in a bad mood for no reason then I started to cry because I won't see them, then I was having the time of my life...emotional maniac is exactly how I feel...I assume a lot of afsers are on the same wave length though, so at least all of us are going crazy together : )
ReplyDeleteabsolutely lucie! permission granted. :P
ReplyDelete& thanks for the comments! :)
[bt]