39. Arrival

first, i'd like to announce just how difficult using a french keyboard is...VERY
second, I'M IN FRANCE!!!!!!!

Sept. 3, 09 (2:10 p.m. MTL)

i'm on my own.

i woke up at 8:30 this morning after falling asleep at 4:30 a.m. my mom got up to help me finish packing. being the procrastinator that ,any knoz i am, it's really no surprise.

it's been an interesting morning. my grandparents came over to see me except that as much as i love them i didn't want them there. i've said farewell to them twice already so i didn't feel like hearing the same old pre-departure advice AGAIN the actual morning of my departure. i got really upset so i made myself a WHOPPING bowl of oatmeal but i just kept getting upset because no one would shut up. it sounds ridiculous but i just couldn't stand everyone talking about me or to me. i just wanted everyone to shut up. luckily, my family usually gets the tone so they gave me but they still have a number of advice urges. all i wanted was to mentally prepare for my year abroad so i just ignored everyone & lied on my office floor. it was nice.

my only concern this morning was that my sister wasn't there. we thought that it was going to be too hard to say goodbye but saying goodbye to her early in the morning before school was even worse. i really needed her & missed her this morning. she could relate & understand me. ugh... my tears for her literarlly just poured out of my eyes.

it's funny cause a few posts back, i mentioned that i couldn't cry with/for friends & by now i've cried once for each of my family members...so i jotted a little note to each of them before leaving this morning.

ok, point form...
°philly plane: wide-eyed like a child staring outside window. nice day; sunny. what does it look like from down there? about 50-passenger plane. no one beside me so i'm at the window. very comfortable: sweatpants, t-shirt, green ginger tea, socks & ALONE.

°customs were boring with no line-up: found gate right away with 1h30 to kill so i tried to buy something & got a "learning experience" out of it instead. feel free to laugh...i was naive & bought an overpriced outlet transformer at the airport , which i immediately regretted after purchase so i called my mom who convinced me to return it but i got nervous...

"sry, i'd like to return this"
"why?"
"um, it's um....not the right one. um...the plug is wrong. yeah. it turns out that i got the wrong one so i um...my charger is different"
"may i ask where you're going?"
"france"
"it's fine"
"yeah but um, my charger is different. this one won't work. & i forgot my charger at home"
"you forgot it?"
"um, yeah.."
"ok..."

gosh, i'm a disgusting liar.

°a blond guy & korean guy are chatting non-stop in korean. neither one says an english word until the korean guy bumps his head. "sh*t." i guess it's universal.

Sept. 3, 09

if there were "crappier" food, it doesn't exist. excuse the language; airplane food is getting ME sick. (the remainder of this post was edited out)

Sept. 6, 09

so when i got to charles de gaulle airport, the weather was so bleugh that i really didn't miss out for not having a window seat. i'm currently at my new residence & it's FREAKING AWESOME. i don't believe that i actually live here.

anyway, so off the airport & just followed instince & signs to pickup les bagages whilst keeping my eyes peeled for the afs ppl who were supposed to pick me up. luggage pick-up always makes me nervous. eventually; i found them so along with a group of 8 kids & teadchers from new zealand, we dragged our luggage to a bus on which there were a bunch of australians & americans waiting for us. (believe it or not, my host family is downstairs watching MI3 dubbed in french. they're very "chill". also, can you believe that "," is more available on their keyboard than "."? & "µ" is more used than "@" apparently...)

we arrived at this hotel-styled hostel 9:00 a.m. & put our big piece of luggage away. & then we just waited & waited & waited until the rest of the kids arrived from the other countries until 8:00 p.m.: poland, germany, norway, finland, iceland, sweden; switzerland; portugal, italy, croatia, latvia, russia, canada, us, australia, new zealand, brazil, costa rica, venezuela, ecuador, columbia, mexico, chile, argentina, china, hong kong, japan, thailand...& those are just the ones that i remember seeing as there were 275 of us. no one could believe how multicultural it became so suddenly; it was INSANE!!!!but i won't bore you with the details. except that on the second day, we did a brief tour of paris...

today, everybody was sent off in little groups to take the train to the region where they supposed to be hosted. i was with 4 other girls & we were all so nervous. my host mom & host grandma picked me up: one of the host mothers out of the 5 of us was an afser herself 26 years ago so with her experience, she invited us all over to get to know each other. we left soon after.

(sry i've got to start briefing cause it's bedtime...)

got to new home. shocked & amazed. my host mom also showed, me downtown...lol, compared to the one at home. all the buildings are beautiful & incredibly european. it's crazy where i live; i would have never fathomed such a place for me to live. it's literally trees everywhere with fields, hills & so much nature. i LOVE it. my house is huge too...(i got a tour) i also never thought i'd ever live in such a big house or have my own room.

i got a tour of the house & then had apéritif with the family to ask them questions as i've got loads. they're really awesome so far. very caring of me but very indifferent to what i do. very much like my family back home. i'm pretty much allowed to do wtv as long as i'm not disrespectful. just like home. no rules but expectations. everybody is soooo laidback so they don't treat me like an outsider. they're like "oh, she's here? ok, cool. you need anything? (if not) then carry on." i like it.

after the goûter, i went with sister2 (younger) to the equestrian centre where her horse stays. the horse is the cutest thing ever! afterwards, we picked my sister's boyfriend, went home, i spent a few hours unpacking & phoning home, then tv, then dinner. entrée; main; fromage & dessert. & i had bordeaux wine at lunch!

i got my intense schedule with 28.5-39.5h weeks & i swear, no exaggeration & no counting breaks. i'm excited to see how tough it gets.

pics & videos are coming

[bt]

38. How Can I Leave A Face Like That?

(this is princesse/poopface/poops/baby)


oh...i've been very naive.

until "yesterday" (since i've stayed up 'til 4 in the morn.) i never realized how many people i've involved in this amazing project of mine. sooo many people have been calling, e-mailing, instant messaging & meeting me left & right that i'm overwhelmed! it is a wonderful feeling to know that so many people...care.

now i realize just how much i'm going to miss these people...

& yup, you saw quite right that it is now 3:53 a.m. i'm rather tired & not really sure if this will benefit me or completely exhaust me in my upcoming jetlag. i'm going to put my bet on the latter since i've got to survive 2 days of paris-touring starting at 8 a.m., which is 2 a.m. here time. yikes!

i'll be leaving home for the airport in 6h so i think i'm crazy. i should really be in bed but i stayed up packing & i'm still not entirely finished, although i'm really tired.

& no, i'm not excited.

anyways, as a last note from my home, i'd like to say a big THANK YOU to anybody at all who has contributed to making this experience (it's NOT a trip) a reality. i know people say this stuff a lot & usually, i'm like "yeah, no biggie. i helped a little. i gave a dollar. wtv." but it's soooo not "no biggie" when you're the person receiving the help. from my perspective, it's a rather amazing view where an entire crowd of individuals have collaborated to help...me. when you think of the ratio of "you to me", "you" is people & "me" is person.

wow. after a year & a half of prep & fundraising, can today really the big day???

love,

[bt]

37. Underestimation.

i'd like to announce today that after blogging for a over two months, i'm very surprised; cyberspace is not what i had expected...

today, i discovered that a fellow blogger named lucie (my first follower) has written a post about...MY [bt]log. mine. & entire post. can i say holy cow?

in all honesty, i would've NEVER thought that the english language (i give it my best effort but it's never been a forte) could take me this far but apparently it has. i'm so pleased, grateful & pleasantly shocked. it's a nice feeling to know that others give any attention at all to what i have to say & even nicer when they can relate. :) it's crazy cause to me, it's just me. i'm just me & i just write but apparently, i pose some kind of significance...

originally, i foresaw a blog that kept track of my AFS adventure w/ my friends & family as occasional readers. now, (i'm not saying i'm some big shot or anything) i've got readers (woot!), followers (woot! woot!)v AND a post about my blog (wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooot!).

now THAT'S cool. :P

happy,

[bt]

36. A Week Left

1) emotions & relationships w/ certain very important people are as unstable as ever (a.k.a. loud voices), which is rather unfortunate seeing as i'd like to leave dear home on a good note. it's really upsetting to me & i feel terribly responsible for a lot of it. no details...

2) i've been keeping rather busy lately (work, 500 days of summer, doctor's appointment) & tomorrow i'm going on a picnic w/ my sister then we're going to pick up her new schedule! woot! oh yeah, at night, she's got an art exhibition! it's her very first sale & i'm so proud! visit her website! (Little Ting's: see "cliquez" list at right)

3) yesterday, i got my plane ticket!!! finally! except that it's not a plane ticket. :( it's one of those modern internet printout proofs that i trade in at the airport for a plane ticket. not quite as cool as the real thing...but i'll deal.

confused,

[bt]

35. Without Warning

i don't know if it's just me but my emotions are already up & down & i haven't left yet. it's all harder than i thought it was going to be. nobody warned about PRE-departure difficulties. what does this mean about when i'm in france? :S it turns out that i'm not as tough as i thought...

usually, i like roller coasters but i guess with the ones you ride you can at least gauge when the ride will end. this one seems a little more overwhelming...thank goodness for Adam. <3

it's really horrible but i'm so conscious of EVERYTHING & i tend to take mental pictures of the "last time" of everything i do. & it's oddly lonely, but that's not really the correct term. but it's still undeniable that i'm the one taking a completely different path. & it's hard cause i'm nearly in denial, which can also be understood as "it STILL hasn't hit me yet". & i'm what? 12 days away...:S

gosh, i'm so terrible at expression...

everyone here is starting school in 2 days & i'm not. so there's that. & it's really weird cause i actually haven't shed a single tear because i'm leaving...yet. it's very like me to do this. it all wells up inside & very soon, one of these days, i'm going to explode. i'm going to need an entire box of tissues & a garbage can next to me. my family likes to laugh at me but i swear i can' control it. i'll let you know when i let it all go... it's coming, i know for sure because that's just how i am. i'm one of the greatest tear-shedders i know but for some reason, i just can't in front of friends but when my heart feels heavy like it does now...well, that's just the build-up. (like on roller coasters when they click before they drop)

sry i'm such an emotional maniac today. but i'm just being completely honest.

i had lunch w/ "the guys" yesterday & today i went to the beach w/ a bunch a friends. it was "fun". my best friend was w/ me for both & i actually saw her 3 times in the past 4 days. now THAT is a true record. & they're times i won't forget. it's getting harder & harder to leave her, & it's especially hard to see her sad because i'm leaving. plus she needs me right now so how can i leave her?

imagine if i were leaving tomorrow? i'd be sorrowful but at least my emotions would calm down a bit...& trust me, it's not PMS.

feeling a little better cause my best friend just talked to me,

[bt]