![[bt] en France](http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_VM8cfxGCTLU/SlK7VqXQbXI/AAAAAAAAACw/UOl7J2feqAA/S1600-R/%5Bbt%5D+en+France.bmp)
i just had 2h of math & i'm going into my third in half an hour. fjmqlksdrjlmzekrj.
i can't do this anymore; not like this. i forgot how bad it felt cause it's been a good while but it feels bad. i don't get a thing in what we're doing in math & it's FRUSTRATING THE HELL OUT OF ME. can you tell?
it's not really that i couldn't understand, it's just that i don't. it's everything based on what they did last year, when um, i freaking was not here?! like it's just last year's review right now so it's like 1+1=2 stuff that i can't do because I HAVE NO CLUE HOW TO MULTIPLY OR MANIPULATE UGLY VECTORS. & i have to freaking CLUE what a barycentre is & we just did 2h of lesson on it. i hate it hate it hate it. i'm just sitting there in class like a dufus reading the question over & over until i still don't get it. it's just a really intense feeling of pointlessness. literally, just sitting there knowing you could but you can't while everyone else around you is like wtv & while everytime the teacher comes around, glances at the emptyness on your paper. really nice feeling, i can assure you. i'll never forget the time when i actually burst out into tears because i was so frustrated at how (ahhhhhhhhhhhhh can't find the word) it was to have no one really give a damn about not even knowing the basics in suites, which i don't really get cause i would totally help out a newbie. competition? focus? idk...
it's like trying to punch through a cement wall or trying to saw through a chain with a butter knife or trying to scratch the unreacheable parts of your back kind of feeling. it's the feeling of GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
g2g study for 4h of math exam tomorrow.
ciao
[bt]
20.4.10
17.4.10
14.4.10
13.4.10
100.
So deep breath, as we plunge into the next (oooo, i want to say "century" but it's clearly not the right term. there's no word that means hundred? we've got pairs, triples, reams, grosses...but...?!) hundred.
Today, I feel good cause it's one of those days where I actually feel like I ACCOMPLISHED something. It's true that life ACCELERATES, like nothing else & so it's not the speed of time but rather the speed at which speed speeds up that's frightening, which is why it would be a comfort to know that you didn't just sit through it, no?
So I finished my DM in histoire/géo (a true nightmare), had my last tutoring session with um, my French tutor & walked the dog by myself for the first time. I KNOW, if THAT's a productive day, then...well, what could be LESS productive, you may wonder. But in fact, those are rather productive events. Anything that requires effort, well, then it's productive. I'd like to say that it's all for the BAC BUT! of course I know that's it's all for my own sake blah blah blah... Plus, it's all relative, right? (says my friend Einshhhhhhtein)
So btw, I'm done with Powell & onto a certain renowned & Canadian Robertson Davies. It's a classic & not a bad read but let's just say that the level of humor (& profanity) has dropped down down down...into some dark & endless depths. It's the two extremes, pretty much. Honestly, you're just like oh...shit...:S It's like drinking dollar-store orange juice 10-times diluted after having SAVOURED a cool glass of pulpy Tropicana. It's reading about the depressive life a of a man with a lot of childhood guilt in a cold, grey 1908 southern-Ontario & in old British English prose, as opposed to a colourful, dynamic NYC in 2002 (100-year difference much?) written in"modern" blog language that I can actually understand (I wonder why...) & bonus! it's about food.
But I'm sure I'll take away SOMETHING from this read...So far, a kid's thrown a snowball & it hit a pregnant woman's head.
& you know what's good about surfing Facebook without HAVING Facebook? It allows you to "indulge" without overindulging. I just KNOW how dangerous it would be if I had my own account so I refuse as many of my friends continue to urge me on. No! I say. NO!!! I SHALL RESIST!!
But anyway, what I meant to say is that it's REALLY very interesting to see how many people have not changed over the course of 8 months, which is cool. But (obviously) even better, is having access to pictures of people who HAVE changed. I mean, isn't that kind of the whole point of Facebook? (don't lie, we both know it's not to "stay in touch"; there's no shame in being curious)
xoxo (Gossip Girl, lol)
[bt]
Today, I feel good cause it's one of those days where I actually feel like I ACCOMPLISHED something. It's true that life ACCELERATES, like nothing else & so it's not the speed of time but rather the speed at which speed speeds up that's frightening, which is why it would be a comfort to know that you didn't just sit through it, no?
So I finished my DM in histoire/géo (a true nightmare), had my last tutoring session with um, my French tutor & walked the dog by myself for the first time. I KNOW, if THAT's a productive day, then...well, what could be LESS productive, you may wonder. But in fact, those are rather productive events. Anything that requires effort, well, then it's productive. I'd like to say that it's all for the BAC BUT! of course I know that's it's all for my own sake blah blah blah... Plus, it's all relative, right? (says my friend Einshhhhhhtein)
So btw, I'm done with Powell & onto a certain renowned & Canadian Robertson Davies. It's a classic & not a bad read but let's just say that the level of humor (& profanity) has dropped down down down...into some dark & endless depths. It's the two extremes, pretty much. Honestly, you're just like oh...shit...:S It's like drinking dollar-store orange juice 10-times diluted after having SAVOURED a cool glass of pulpy Tropicana. It's reading about the depressive life a of a man with a lot of childhood guilt in a cold, grey 1908 southern-Ontario & in old British English prose, as opposed to a colourful, dynamic NYC in 2002 (100-year difference much?) written in"modern" blog language that I can actually understand (I wonder why...) & bonus! it's about food.
But I'm sure I'll take away SOMETHING from this read...So far, a kid's thrown a snowball & it hit a pregnant woman's head.
& you know what's good about surfing Facebook without HAVING Facebook? It allows you to "indulge" without overindulging. I just KNOW how dangerous it would be if I had my own account so I refuse as many of my friends continue to urge me on. No! I say. NO!!! I SHALL RESIST!!
But anyway, what I meant to say is that it's REALLY very interesting to see how many people have not changed over the course of 8 months, which is cool. But (obviously) even better, is having access to pictures of people who HAVE changed. I mean, isn't that kind of the whole point of Facebook? (don't lie, we both know it's not to "stay in touch"; there's no shame in being curious)
xoxo (Gossip Girl, lol)
[bt]
12.4.10
99. "The End"
' "The End" is a tricky bugger, but if you wanted, you could define the beginning of the end as the point when the protagonist has to see that her actions mean something, and that if they don't work out right, she is well and truly fucked.'
-Julie Powell, Julie & Julia
I very much appreciate this definition of "The End" as it applies to me in many ways. I can relate, is what I mean, besides the fact that Powell's just a riot (one should really read the novel by one's lonesome for the sake of saving oneself of embarassment id est laughing hysterically in public).
In any case. I'll have you note that this is my final two-digit post (scroll up, if you must), which isn't really an "End" per se, but it kind of is. The other, more relevant "End" is OBVIOUSLY the fact that I've got like what? about 90 days left? & of course, the EVEN MORE relevant "End" would be the fact that I'm freaked out about the BAC cause now it actually MATTERS if I get it or not, you know, since I'm like now "Accepted", ooo lala...
[bt]
p.s. PLUS, this is totally an "Oprah-full-circle moment"; c.f. post 30, posted 22 days prior to departure
-Julie Powell, Julie & Julia
I very much appreciate this definition of "The End" as it applies to me in many ways. I can relate, is what I mean, besides the fact that Powell's just a riot (one should really read the novel by one's lonesome for the sake of saving oneself of embarassment id est laughing hysterically in public).
In any case. I'll have you note that this is my final two-digit post (scroll up, if you must), which isn't really an "End" per se, but it kind of is. The other, more relevant "End" is OBVIOUSLY the fact that I've got like what? about 90 days left? & of course, the EVEN MORE relevant "End" would be the fact that I'm freaked out about the BAC cause now it actually MATTERS if I get it or not, you know, since I'm like now "Accepted", ooo lala...
[bt]
p.s. PLUS, this is totally an "Oprah-full-circle moment"; c.f. post 30, posted 22 days prior to departure
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