52. des bleuets?!

i have to make things quick so i'm opting for pointform, which i've gotten used to with all the note-taking they do here...

-you'd think that with all the notority that french cuisine has, the french would know blueberries...nope. not a single person knows what blueberries are. gosh, they're missing out. my philo teacher was talking about how nature makes inedible stuff blue so that they're unappetizing so i quietly objected in my corner & no one around me knew what bleuets were! so i did some research...blueberry = airelle or myrtille or bleuet but airelle = cranberry (while cranberry = canneberge) & myrtille = bilberry (british) or blueberry (american). bleuet is a canadian term & in france, means cornflower. there's your culture for the day. no one believes me that a blue fruit exists...

-i received my first package today!!! *sniff* i cried, of course i cried. i saw my mom's handwriting :( & that makes me cry. so i'm keeping the packaging forever so if the cleaning lady throws it out (which she does sometimes so it's not nice...probably cause i get attached to a lot of random garbage) i'll be sooo P-Oed, you've no clue. ahhh, just the thought of it. anyway, i got my favourite things: a nail clipper, mechanical pencils w/ a bonus sharpie, replacement parts for my suitcase handle that popped off (or my suitcase was too heavy?) & SURPRISE! an anklet from my sister cause i lost the first one...*cry*

-so the dog over here chewed up my expensive folder/case. i don't mind cause that's what dogs do but i've gotta say, i don't really like my pets here. the cats hiss, don't like being held but ALWAYS sleep on my bed & won't leave me alone, they pee on my bathroom floor & the dog has too much energy. she can't stop pouncing on you & licking your face...

-today is officially the first day of les vacances Toussaint...FINALLY (12 days off)

-i want to sleep soo bad cause i stayed up til 2 in the morn last night to type up a lab report. but i can't sleep cause then my host family will know i stayed up too late & won't let me do it again, which is bad for school. it's tough to restrain, you know. i can't do all the disgusting things you're supposed to do it front of family i.e.burp, fart, scratch, etc.

-i may have already mentioned this but i had this horrid recurring nightmare where i'm back home & can't understand why i don't remember anything except the whatever i've lived so far except that in the dream it's been the whole year. it feels like amnesia or something. it's scary cause it's those real vivid nightmares when you're super conscious so you're aware of your real life situation (like that it's only been a few weeks in france) but so scared. even when i wake i don't know where i am. anyway, i haven't had the dream in a while, but other ones so it's fine. i love dreams. :) weird cause there's one person that keeps coming up in my dreams...

-i love my ipod. it's my sweetest companion in france cause it automatically brings me back home but i think it's getting sick already. now where's that warranty??? just kidding. knowing me, i would never switch as i'm too attached already even if i only see it in its case. a new one wouldn't be the same. & the earphones broke so i had to fix it with superglue & glued my fingers together...pro :D

good day

love,

[bt]

51.0°

today, the temperature was 0°. love. i love the smell of winter..so fresh. it keeps me calm.

chilly cheeks, ears & fingers that burn when you get back inside. lots of sweaters, warm drinks & the smell of burning fire wood. mmmmm...
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the other day on the news: a man in the states was strapped down in a bed in some *zing-zing* lighting jail room to have some lethal poison injected into his bloodstream for the 18th time. apparently his veins are impenetrable...he's still alive.

stew on that one now..comments are welcome.

[bt]

50. Fortune

you know that stat: if you clothes on your back, a roof above your head & not hungry, then you're a part of 25 percent of the world's population who have that.

or something along those lines...

25 percent?! you realize that's a major minority, right??? anyway whether that stat is exact or not, i do know that the overall meaning of it is true: if you have those things, then your heckfully fortunate.

so i just came from doing one of my favourite things: sitting in front of a crackling fire, in a comfy armchair, sweatpants, warm socks, legs propped up, hot chocolate in my left hand, chocolate chip cookie in my right & crumbs on my face, i'm sure. the point is that in moments like that, you can't help but take into some deep reflection. i'm my case, the rough draft of this post...

it's amazing really & it makes my heart rise a little cause it feels so light. i came from fortune & with AFS i come to yet another place of fortune, which i'm defining as a situtation where you possess all three of the above listed requirements. it makes me feel like i'm bouncing around in that 25 percent so for a moment, i thought to myself, "ought i have chosen france?"

mongolia, thailand, russia, mexico, brazil were all on the list. did i sneak my way out of a harsh reality? fear? cowardness? or perhaps, i needed a proper education diploma for my return? there were numerous factors in chosing the country i wanted to go to but what i can affirm is that i definitely did not chose france by process of elimination. it was a deliberate choice but i can't say that i wasn't afraid in facing a "poverty-stricken" country (for lack of a better word, & i know that the countries i listed aren't necessarily third world but if you look on a poverty map, they're not categorized as wealthy).

for some reason, i feel like i would've taken more away with me if i had chosen a "poorer" country cause i gotta admit, france is what it seems & it's more or less similar to home. yes, there are differences but it's nothing i can't handle. maybe i just did my research well. maybe i'm adaptable. maybe i'm just eager to travel. maybe i'm only a month & a half in naive & stupid & culture shock hasn't arrived yet.

whoa, this is really steering away from my rough draft...

what i planned to say is that i think above all, the greatest luxury just has to be comfort & it's weird that luxury is defined by swimming pools, labels & wealth. like yeah, we've heard it a million times that rich people aren't necessarily happy blah blah blah... but i'm talking about the moments when you, yourself are in the most comfortable place, like curled up with a book or doing yoga or whatever suits you, don't you ever just sit there & marvel at how you can do what you're doing without care? i think comfort is a beautiful thing & it's ultimately, what people strive for even if some are a little blinded by the green bills.

anyway, i won't go further cause i think you get it.

so last thing, i wrote a rant post on paper about the french school system. it's actually a very good post. i'm thinking about recycling it but i'll probably put it up later, when i feel the feelings again cause it's just negative energy to put it up. i'm too happy to get into it now.

& last last thing, i have a terrible concentration problem where i um...can't concentrate. apparently i'm the only one cause i've been talking to people about it & my philosphophy teacher mentioned it in class (& i wanted to jump up & be like me! me! me! you're talking about me!). i ALWAYS do the "out-of-body" thing where i think about me doing whatever i'm doing instead of doing it. it's like that mirror in a mirror situation & it's hard to deal with when you've got a lot of studying to do.

although it doesn't happen when i eat...:P

[bt]

p.s. i have soooooooooooooo many things to blog about it's ridiculous. but my fingers just can't keep up...

49. See What I See

i went to a town near the hotel i was staying at & this is what i saw around Tours, the city of castles...it was amazing cause all the old houses, water pumps, artifacts etc. were still there for us to see.

this alleyway was a tanners' alleyway where they prepared their skins for sale. (animal skins) note the wooden walls...

the sun was perfect...i had to. white dress, if you're wondering.

view from the castle.

sky from the castle.

the castle. (people actually live here but allow visitors to visit parts of the property)

the castle gate keyhole.

the town church.

the town church crypt. *shivers*

more cryptness.

so humid, so stale.

crypt entrance.

french stranger.

* i dare you to look at a real life anteater. sorry, but they are really ugly.
**i saw okapis, which i didn't know existed. google them. it's crazy.
***sry i forgot to upload these backwards. the chronology is reverse, if you care.

[bt]

48. Mois-nniversaire

today is my "mois-nniversaire", which in english means that i've been here for a month on the dot...woot?

i don't know. it certainly doesn't feel so surreal anymore or perhaps it feels so surreal that i'm blinded so it feels real...not sure but what i can say is that i can clearly identify my "home" because i get that i'm-not-sleeping-in-my-own-bed feeling when i'm not sleeping in my own bed. that's to say that this weekend was my host father's family reunion & i slept at a hotel. this one...

it was quite luxurious & connected to the Beauval Zoo; a famous one where they birth lots of baby animals. like these ones...



anyway, i was really shocked at my reaction when i first entered the zoo. i realized for the first time that being in a zoo, i'm looking at wild animals from all over the world...like from the the aooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo wild. it's crazy that they end up behind glass & in cages where they spray fake rain. it's just insane. well, basically it took me some getting used to, to see the big cats just pacing back & forth but then analyzed from some other angles (as alway :P) & it came to me that most of these animals were probably brought up in captivity so they don't really have a reference to compare their life to. right? i mean, they have somewhere to sleep, they have food to eat & althought they're quite limited space-wise, they sleep the majority of the day away so i guess it's alright. i truly believe that animals (like babies) are not like us. they rely on their instincts & don't really care much for over-analyzation (shhht) so i think they're good. it just makes me chuckle when i see all those simulation habitats. gosh, they're so fake.

so the family reunion was nice. the family's not that complicated in person but in words...i'll do my best. it's like this: (i'll go by generation) there's a mamie, head of heads. she was basically the host of this entire thing/the oldest one there. she has three kids: a daughter (60), a son (55) then another son (50, my host father).

the old daughter has four kids: a daughter (30, adopted), a son (27, adopted), a daughter (24) & son (15). the daughter has a son (4) & a daughter (2). the son has a daughter (8mths).

the old son has two kids: a daughter (29) who has a daughter (7mths) & another daughter (28).

the second old son has three kids but one was absent: a son (22, absent), a daughter (20) & another daugher (17 today! happy b-day!!!)

so that's the basic lineage minus the fact that everyone there had a spouse or "significant other" except the babies & the three teens: me, my host sister & the 15-year old. so that's it, not that's it's supposed to be thoroughly enjoyable for you...sry, it's more for my own record.

oh yeah, seriously, we spent more time eating than anything else this weekend. IT'S CRAZY. i, knowing myself, am i HUGE eater but i should keep my mouth closed cause these skinny french people have bottomless pits for stomachs. you literally went into each meal full. not not hungry, cause that's just an understatement. FULL. for example, last night's dinner, which was after the huge nutella crêpe, which was after the huge lunch, which was after the huge breakfast, went something like this...

first, there was the apéritif, which consists of champagne (oh yeah, i drink more or less often now; i say yes to 50 percent of offers but only in the spirit of the culture & i haven't even tasted what drunk is so don't worry) & platters or hors d'oeuvres, which i would translate as "out of the main stuff", which is accurate enough. next, after everyone's got their tastebuds going, we get some huge plate of entrée, which is an appetizer, usually cold & too filling, knowing that you still have to fork through the main course & the dessert, but too good to let any of it go to waste. so yeah, next you get le plat principal (i think?) which only fills you up more & usually its some lead-role meat on itty bitty veggies. you finish with a désert, which is usually a meal on it's own. THEN, when you think it's all done (cause you're supposed to end with dessert, right?) they offer a digestif, which is some crazy 50 percent alcohol (like cognac) that you can feel go through your system cause it burns so much to "help you digest & wash everything down." most people take a lighter version, like more champagne. THEN, when you think your about to explode the offer you yet someting else to drink like tea or coffee, which comes with a biscuit called a gâteau & although a biscuit may seem like nothing, it's actually a big something cause i forgot to mention that from the first course, they leave bread on the table that is soooo good & that the french eat like it's nothing. really!? cause to me that is major filling starchy complexe sugar carbs. i love bread but not even i could eat it knowing all the courses i had to sit through. plus, i think we went through a good ten bottles of wine.

these people are nuts.

i think i gained 10lbs. this weekend. but that's probably cause i ate 20lbs. of food. of EXTREMELY good, well plated, cooked my a french chef food. here a little recap: limitless oysters, clams, prosciutto, pain au chocolat, ratatouille, canard, veal in cream sauce, crème brûlée, tiramisu, white chocolate heavenly stuff, fromages, charcuterie, pain, vin etc. etc. etc. let me emphaisize...LIMITLESS, as in buffet. but well presented high quality stuff. & i promise i only named 10 percent of what was offered this weekend. & you wonder why i have to keep taking deep breaths.

i don't think i knew what i was in for when i said i was coming to france to eat...

EAT would have been more accurate.

digesting...

[bt]

(sry i don't have visuals so support my opinion...as with every weekend, my camera died WAY too early.)